does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
