you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
