After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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