Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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