party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
