That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
