Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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