I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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