Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just cropdusted the office
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
