we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
