Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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