pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
