Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
