that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
