Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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