it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
