Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
