We're facebook friends in real life
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found your dick twin last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
