bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
