OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
