He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
