Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
