Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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