she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
