She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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