that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
