Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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