I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
