i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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