I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize