Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
