my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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