My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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