I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize