A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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