I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
