I wish I only lived at night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your cock deserves a montage
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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