Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
