wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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