i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
