she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
