my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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