I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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