he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
