okay pat passed out under dana's car
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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