I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
