Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
