Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
