Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
