apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
