So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
