I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
