I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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