If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
