worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
