Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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