At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
