ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
