I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
