It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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