A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
