The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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