a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
