girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
