I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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