he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
