speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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