i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize