3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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